Courage can either mean” to do something that frightens one” (think Bronchoscopy without GA) or perhaps more meaningful in my situation “strength in the face of pain or grief”.
No matter the definition I thought it might be worth reflecting on this concept today.
Today has been a fantastic day! In fact if probably is the without doubt the best day I’ve had since entering RMH almost 3 weeks ago. The reason for this is finally I am lifting out of the neutropenic stage and for the first time my Neutrophils count has moved off the flat line. It registered 0.1 today which means I am slowly generating my own healthy blood cells once again. The nutritionists have asked me to start eating again and although I am cautious I will give this a shot.
So where does courage fit in?
Just like setting up a plan to tackle the things that I can control courage is one of those things you have to take on board to see yourself through the next phase – that might be the next day (I am not looking beyond days yet) or more likely the next hour or in some cases the next 10 minutes.
There are plenty of things I have not written about – pain, badly scrambled brain thoughts and patterns, sore body from being in the one position too long that all add to pain. For me it is a matter of assessing the situation (and the real pain – ie do I need pain killers!) and then working on the plan forward to tackle the situation (more planning!!)
For example after sitting or lying in bed for a few hours the body gets quite sore. My response is to get up and either do a few laps around the ward to perhaps try a few Yoga movements to stretch the body.
It would be much easier to stay flopped in bed but of course that only adds to the pain and does not show any courage at all.
So for me courage is not about heroic activities but more the motivation to keep myself on the track that I need to be on for a full recovery.
For those readers out there with a strong interest in the Science behind my condition AMML (FLT 3 Var) then you will now find some additional information on the Haematology 101 page on the Blog.