I grew up in a ‘semi- religious family’ – Things like Church once a month, Xmas Day, Easter etc but early on in my married life Jan and I agreed religion was not for us.
I do not object to religion – but I do object to the misery and destruction that seems to emanate from religion. It is my view that religion is simply a construct of mankind to ‘manage the masses’ and whilst there is some benefit in this, the dogma and narrow view of many individual religions does not add to the overall wellbeing of the world.
I would say that I like to live my life according to the principles of ‘mankind’ – kindness, helpfulness, acceptance etc etc. These are key principles and they are not owned by any one religion . I do believe I am a person of spirituality as there are many things of beauty, love and relationship that science cannot explain. (But a specific religion does not have a monopoly over).
If God did exist then why does he/she choose to swipe left one day and right the next? This does not make sense to me!
So if I were to follow the science line then I am much more comfortable with my condition and how people get sick.
In this game the doctors measure absolutely everything. Fluids in, fluids out, drugs in, blood tests regularly (up to 3 times a day) and blood culture tests for virus development. Nurses check blood pressure, body temperature and heat rate, blood oxygen levels every few hours (makes it hard to get sleep of course).
Treating cancer is a process. Once all the measurements are in and the Medical Team (it is certainly not just one doctor making all the decisions) review the data they start pulling levers and managing the outcomes. They know what to expect in general terms having delivered similar treatments many times before and of course relying on the extensive worldwide scientific papers and reviews of similar treatments. They are highly intelligent people who are well trained and well meaning. For me they are my ‘God’.
But every person and their cancer is different and so there is still some ‘trial and adjustment’ required with treatments.
In my case I seem to run a high temperature with every dose of Cytarabine but even at 40 degrees this can be managed (my hallucinations are for me to deal with).
So if you check out the graphs below, which show the change in my key blood components as part of the process, you will gain confidence that the scientific process is leading me in the right direction.
Praying for recovery might make some people feel good but in my mind it has little relevance to the process of returning to health.
Having said that, the well wishes and thoughts of the many, many friends who have contacted me makes a real and positive difference. I do not feel their prayers but I can certainly hear and read their sentiments and this does send a positive vibe that makes a significant difference to my recovery.
Oh yes – last night went pretty well especially after the late Lumbar Puncture test (removing 10mls of spinal fluid for testing) – a pocess that ended up being relatively painless believe it or not! I managed about 5 hrs broken sleep, but once again achieved a temp of 39.4 for 6 hrs resulting in plenty of tests – the doctors don’t like temps over 38.
Today was much the same as they say when your Neutrophils are 0 you are at your lowest ebb in this recovery process. And after 6 days of non-stop diarrohea it looks like we might be getting on top of that one!
I have had a lovely visit from my parents and my beautiful sister Fiona who has flown over from Thailand to say hello and to check her compatibility for a bone marrow transplant (more on this another day). My leg is improving and I can almost get around without the Zimmer Frame again.
Receiving some red blood cells today (thankyou Jodie!)